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Is an Orgasm Really Important?

by Jill Rilla

I have known a number of women who rarely or never reach orgasm during sexual intercourse. Some of them claim that it is not something that bothers them, after all, sex is just one part of a relationship and, as time goes on, it can become an increasingly small part. Other women admit that it troubles them, but they love their boyfriend, husband or lover too much for it to be a deal-breaker.

On the surface of it, this all seems very selfless, considerate and even rational. However, I wonder, if the roles were reversed, how many men would share that opinion. Ask yourself this, would any man you have been in a relationship with have casually brushed aside the fact that he was not reaching orgasm during some (never mind all) sexual encounters?

What’s Sauce for the Goose…

So, why the inequality? It’s probably thanks to the fact that sex is seen as an ‘important’ part of a relationship for men, but is supposed to be less essential for women. Is that really the way we want things to be? Is it really the way men want things to be? Well, I can’t speak for all women, nor can I speak for all men. However, my overriding sense is that neither gender wants sex to be a one-sided affair.

In fact, many men fixate, to the point of obsession, on whether or not their lover will orgasm, when she’ll climax and, if she does, whether she faked it. And all this is often going through his head while making love to you. Therefore, I think we can safely dismiss this notion that a female orgasm isn’t important to men. But what about us, do we really believe that our pleasure is not important?

What Women Want

Time and again, I hear women say that sexual pleasure is not about climax, but the intimacy involved throughout the act of sex. Well, that’s very true. It’s not just about that blissful moment or, if you’re lucky, many blissful moments. However, orgasm is an important part of sex. Just like men, we’re made to experience orgasm. Unlike men, we’re made to experience more than one orgasm. It seems insane to sweep a lack of complete sexual fulfillment under the carpet.

Moreover, it can have a devastating effect on your relationship. Although I’m sure many marriages and relationship have survived, despite a lack of orgasm on the woman’s part, there are many more that have been ruined by it. No, sex is not the most important thing in your relationship, but it is a cornerstone of it.

If a woman is not sexually satisfied one of two things can easily happen. First, the woman grows resentful, which can translate to hostility towards her mate or, worst case scenario, she starts to look elsewhere. Second, the man, who can probably tell that his lover isn’t satisfied, will either become frustrated about her ‘faking’ or will grow resentful, as he feels that he is not ‘enough’ to please his mate.

In either case, an unhappy sex life puts a large wedge between two people and can lead to a very unhappy relationship or, indeed, precipitate the end of a relationship. So, is an orgasm important? Well, of course, every woman is entitled to her opinion, but, in my mind, “yes” an orgasm is crucial to your sexual satisfaction and the success of your relationship.

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