By nature, we women are more concerned about stability and whether or not a relationship has a future than men are. I guess, partly this is due to our innate desire to have a secure environment for offspring, but I suspect there is also a social cause.
Why Women Worry About Where a Relationship is Going
Unlike men, who can still ensnare attractive young women at the ripe old age of 87 and beyond, women are aware that attractiveness (along with their ability to have a family) is lost with the advancing years. Therefore, we feel a sense of urgency that men don’t really experience. In other words, we want to know that we’re not wasting our precious time in a relationship that’s not going anywhere.
Unfortunately, this causes us to ask questions of our lovers that will send them running in the opposite direction. For many men, the scariest words in the English language are, “so where do you think this is going?” This kind of question will put him on the defensive and could potentially ruin an otherwise great relationship. Now, I’m not suggesting that women don’t find out where they stand, but I do think we have to be smarter about how we broach the subject of the future.
When to Talk About the Future
First, it’s really important not to just blindside your lover with questions about the future of your relationship. At dinner, if he’s talking about last summer when he went bungee jumping, your sudden question about whether he wants to father your children, is going to instantly make him clam up.
Instead, try to allow the subject to come up naturally, for example, if a friend has just announced an engagement, you could ask your lover whether he envisages himself getting married one day. Ask the question casually, and you’re likely to get an honest and possibly very candid response.
The Right Questions to Ask
In the majority of cases, we manage to frighten men by simply asking the wrong question or phrasing a query about the future in an accusatory manner. So, here are some questions that can open up a discussion about the future without frightening your lover. However, all of these questions should be asked in a casual way at a time that seems natural:
- Do you see yourself being a father?
- Would you like a big family one day?
- What are your plans for your retirement?
- Do you have any dreams of traveling the world?
- Do you have a plan for where you’d like to be in your career in five years time?
- Do you have a plan for where you’d like to be in your personal life in five years time?
Of course, you don’t want to ask all of these questions at once, but bringing up some or all of these queries, when it is appropriate, will give you a good indication of your lover’s notions of the future and whether or not they match with yours.
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