We tend to make a whole host of assumptions about men and, in particular, their attitudes towards sex. Among the many nuggets of received wisdom, is the notion that men want a woman who is sexually adventurous, open to experimenting with quirky or kinky things – in short, a woman who is up for anything. So, do we really have to become sexual gymnasts, or indulge in kinky stuff (that we may not feel comfortable with) in order to keep a man happy?
Men Want Sexually Variety
It is true, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that men inherently crave sexual variety. This can mean, variety in partners or variety in sexual experiences. Something many men fear in regard to commitment is that sex will become routine (and for routine, read ‘boring’) and, therefore, sexual desire is reduced and, perhaps, becomes non-existent.
We can accept this is fact, because it just seems to be the way a man’s brain is hardwired. And thanks to this yearning for variety, men will have some weird and wonderful fantasies, and they’ll almost certainly want to mix things up in the bedroom.
But, this doesn’t mean that you have to become a contortionist or that you should feel pressured into exploring any sexual ground you’re not comfortable with.
It’s All About Compromise
Men don’t really expect ordinary women, like you and me, to have the sexual adventurousness of those girls in porn films. In fact, if a man meets a woman who is more open to sexual exploration than the average, he’s surprised – perhaps in a good way, but it can also be intimidating. Remember, these kinky fantasies have probably been just fantasies for him thus far. Putting them into action means his ‘performance’ has to live up to his ideal, which, in all likelihood, won’t happen.
The rather usurping truth is that a successful relationship depends upon sexual compatibility, or at least, a willingness to accept a little give and take. In other words, if you and your partner are willing to explore approximately 70-80 per cent of each other’s fantasies and fetishes, then you’re pretty much on to a winner.
Of course, this doesn’t just hold true for a desire/willingness to experiment. It’s also true of general libido. If one partner craves sex much more than the other, the relationship is likely to end in disaster. The partner whose libido is not as high, may well make an effort to please his or her lover, but this kind of incompatibility can’t be sustained over the long-term.
Therefore, I recommend discussing your sexual desires, fantasies and fetishes with your lover (you probably won’t want to divulge everything at once). Very early on in the conversation, it will become evident if you are poles apart in your sexual tastes. I’m not suggesting that, if this is the case, you should call it quits, but it is worth talking about how much you’re both willing to compromise.
Never assume that your lover wants you to be a sexual gymnast with a curiosity about every sexual position known to man, because the truth is, he doesn’t.